HAPPY CHRISTMAS & A MERRY NEW YEAR

Off till the new year now, New Year, new job, so may be a little hectic to post such riveting stories. Anyway have a merry one and you’ll be hearing from me in the New Year.

Up The Duff & Cottaging (not that kind of cottaging)

Damian Duff made his long awaited Newcastle come back last night in a behind closed doors friendly. Duff played about 70 minutes and capped his return with a goal, meaning he should be back in first teams plans before very long.

The Fulham game will obviously be too soon for the Irish winger, but he should be pushing for a squad place for the Derby match Sunday week. Hopefully he’ll bring the creativity that Newcastle are desperately seeking at the moment and I for one am looking forward to him linking up with the likes of Barton and Milner in supplying the bullets for Matins, Viduka and Owen. The later too is pushing for a place in the squad to face Derby after a spell on the treatment table, so it could be all guns blazing when the Rams visit St James next week.

Switching the focus to more pressing matters and the trip to a cottage in South West London to face a Fulham side who aren’t exactly performing that well of late. Fulham have lost their last two matches while Newcastle have had a couple of good results, what with the draw against the Gooners and a somewhat fortuitous win against the Brum. This has lifted the mounting pressure off Big Sam, but a slip against a struggling Fulham side on Saturday, albeit away from home, and that pressure will engulf the Magpie boss once more, making his Christmas less then merry.

Luckily for Sam though, Newcastle (without actually knowing it) will be taking their Premier League good luck charm, and that, or he should I say, comes in the form of ME. I have yet to witness Newcastle get beat in the Premier league home or away or in fact any domestic or European cup game. I know over the recent years that I have only been to a handful of games, however, the games I have seen have been against some of the big guns in the league, Arsenal (twice), Liverpool, Chelsea, Man U (twice), Spurs (four times) plus quite a few of the more lesser teams. I was a regular during the Keegan era but once I moved doon Sooth and played Saturday league football I only got to see my beloved team two or three times a year. This may sound like I’m a glory hunter as a lot of the St James park massive currently undoubtedly are (as we didn’t always have 52k fans at a home game), but, I was at every home game bar two during the mighty promotion season and rarely missed a game the two or three seasons before that, being part of Jim Smith and Ossie Ardiles ‘Black and White Army’, witnessing near relegation into the then third division to boot, not to mention the many freezing cold, wet, midweek anglo-itanlian cup and other mickey mouse cup fixtures.

Anyhow, I’m off to Fulham with a ramble of Toon fans and some non-believers for jolly all day session in the smoke and will hopefully keep my non-losing streak going. My prediction 3-1 away win the Toon with Barton notching his first goal for his new club.

Up the Toon.

Brownie, Doesn't Have To Sell His Soul.........

The Carling Academy or Oxford Zodiac as it’s still affectionately known, seemed different and somewhat smaller than what I remember, which made the whole feel to the place a little odd. This was probably due to the lack of smoke in the air, which actually meant you could see from one end of the room to the other, with smokeless eyes and indeed lungs (not that you see with your lungs, but you get my point).

We arrived 30 minutes or so before the event which give us plenty of time to get a couple of Grolsch’s in, participate in the anticipation and get a feel of the already buzzing atmosphere.

The crowd a mix of old and new Brownie fans, eagerly awaited his arrival and I wondered what type of Brown performance we’d get tonight. Would it be full of new songs, from his new album ‘The World Is Yours’, or would he treat us to a back-catalogue of old favourites, with some Stone Roses anthems thrown in for good measure. Also. would he put on a decent vocal performance or would he come on stage, looking like he doesn’t want to be there, and trail through his songs, off key and languorous. I knew what I hoped for. A couple of die hard fans piped up with the, Ian Brown, Ian Brown, Ian Brown football-type chant as the guitar tuners and sound testers finished off just before he was due on stage, and it, it being the stage, was indeed set.

The blue stage lights faded and everything was dark as the dramatic orchestral sound from ‘Save Us’ off his new album accompanied Mr Brown and the band on stage. Once the cheers and whistles of the crowd died down, Brownie began rambling on about how going to college is good and if anyone in the room went to Oxford college, yadda, yadda. Brilliant, I thought, he’s going to start preaching to us and try to put the world to rights. But no, a baseline started up, quiet at first but got louder and louder, and not just any baseline, but the baseline of ‘I wanna be adored’. Fucking Brilliant. That got the crowd fired up from the off, all he had to do now was keep it going. He followed this up with fabulous renditions of ‘Dolphins Were Monkeys’, ‘Solarized’, ‘Time Is My Everything’ and ‘The Sweet Fantastic’ as he swaggered round the stage, tambourine in hand looking like he was actually really enjoying himself.

It was steaming hot and I could feel the sweat running down my back as a women was carried from the front looking like she’s fainted. Just then Brownie, in his true Mancunian style, microphone slung around his neck, decided to teach the crowd who couldn’t or weren’t prepared to dance, how to do the “Shoulder Shuffle”. This basically involved raising one shoulder in time to the music, but Brown enthusiastically encouraged it. He then introduced ex-Smith bassist Andy Rouke, “just flown in from Rio, that’s Rio, not rehab” before belting out ‘Keep What You’ve Got’ and ‘Corpses’ (accompanied by Browns Harmonica).

An unusual, but brilliant military style, marching drum rendition of ‘My Star’ preceded ‘Longsight M13’ and ‘Golden Gaze’ where Brown jogged though the whole song, bowing his arms like a athletic rapper which led up to his sets finale.
The set ended with an extended version of the Roses classic ‘I am the resurrection’ which had everything. Crowd participation, full instrumental, Browns charismatic swaggery dancing and finished with rapturous applause, whistles and cheers. Magic.

The band disappeared for a couple of minutes and appeared again as expected for their encore which began with the new albums lead single ‘Illegal Attacks’. This was followed by another new song ‘Sister Rose’, which has some feverish guitar blended with powerful lyrics. The next song was a bizarre but clever amalgamation of the music from ‘Fools Gold’ to the lyrics of ‘The World Is Yours’, it was a brilliant funk-infused upbeat combination, with a trumpeter and Rouke’s stylist bass playing.

They ended the night with ‘F.E A.R’, which was performed with aplomb and hauntingly finished. The audience showed their appreciation of a truly fantastic nights work by Ian Brown and his band as they left the stage to thunderous applause and chanting of Browns name. This was richly deserved as I don’t think I’ve witnessed a better performance by Brown, vocally or in stage-presence. Sweet Fantastic.

Halleluiah

The red faced idiot has been sacked. He was given a massive get of jail free card on Saturday, but still couldn’t deliver. The question is, why wasn’t he sacked sooner.
I’m still blaming the people at the FA who employed the incompetent fool, who incidentally are the same people who have just said "The recruitment process for the new coach begins now and we will do everything to get the right man for the job." Really, oh well, that’s reassuring. Didn’t they do that last time but made a complete hash of it, chasing coaches across Europe to be publicly humiliated when the said ‘coaches’ rejected them. They’ve also said that they are going to do a “root-and-branch" review of the England team set-up. Ooh buzz words, great. Sack the fucking lot of them. But who’s job is it to do that?? Nobody can, as they rule, so we are fucked as the people who go about employing the England manger aren’t even football people, just big wigs that have possibly frequented a few games.
Next summer is going to be Bore-ring

Mr B..

Can you remember that midfield dynamo Newcastle signed a few years ago? With his previous club he was a total box to box player, biting into the challenge, full of energy and regularly got double figures on the goal scoring front. He truly was magnificent for his former club and was sought after by many top clubs, Liverpool being one of them. He did have a reputation for being a bit of a mental though, and often got into a scrape or two on the pitch. He also came with additional baggage, and that came in the form of a racism court case for assault. This brought the media spot light to St James Park for the wrong reasons, however, luckily for him he had a good barrister and was found not guilty.

His playing career at Newcastle didn’t get off to a flyer and pretty much never got going at all. He never re-captured the form that he left at his former club Leeds. All he managed at Newcastle were merely average games with a couple of goals a season thrown in and never set St James Park on fire like he did Elland Road. Oh except for when he had a fight with his team mate. Great, time for the media circus again.
Obviously I’m talking about Lee Bowyer, but does this story vaguely remind you of any recent signing Newcastle has made?

Hmmm, lets just hope Mr Joey (Innocent until proven guilty) Barton’s performances improve at Newcastle, because so far he has failed to impress. I’m not sure if this is down to fitness, but I hope that he delivers the goods that his ability is capable of soon. If only he could emulate his performances at Newcastle to that of his former club, then he could, could, become a true Newcastle great. The ‘ball’ is in his ‘court’. (see what I did there).

No More Johnny Foreigner??

Well there is a lot of press coverage at the moment regarding the state of out national side and that there are too many foreign players in the Premiership. Well here is my view on the matter, for what it’s worth.

They claim, and when I say they the list is endless, from Steven Gerrard to Alex Ferguson and even Paul Parker (what the fuck), that the England national side is struggling and faltering due to the number of foreign players in the Premier league and that they want the FA to introduce quotas on foreign players in Premier League teams.

Well I think that’s a load of old clap-trap and that they are merely papering over the fact that our national side has catastrophically failed in this recent competition due to the manager and the players preparation and attitude. The squad we have in my opinion, given the right leadership, management and organisation should be capable of beating any team in the world and not just in Europe. As you may already be aware, I’m not the biggest fan of Steve McClaren but enough is enough, especially now that they are blaming the Premier League’s foreign players.

We have arguably the best, most entertaining league in the world and that is due to the fact we have the majority of the best players in the world. To scrap this and to quota a teams overseas players would destroy it.

There are other factors that people are forgetting. Before the influx of foreign players, lets say, before 1995 how well were we doing in international competitions? Exactly, poor, we didn’t qualify in 1994 (a squad Paul Parker was a member of) and was this due to the fact that there were to many foreigners in the league? No. We haven’t won anything since 66, foreigners or not so how can all of a sudden this be the blame.

I’m a believer that you tend to raise your game when your playing with quality players and your game also drops when your playing with poorer players, so to me English players playing with the best players in the world can only be good for them. Also, will the standard of players suddenly become greater if less foreigners come to play in the Premier league? Again, No. I would understand it if we only had one league in the whole country to blood young players, but there are five professional leagues with many more semi-professional and that quality will always shine through and be spotted. There are more scouts and academy’s now then ever, so how can young players be getting poorer, because that’s essentially what ‘they’ are saying.

Also English players are already over-priced in the current market (look at Carrick, Curtis Davies, Reo-Coker etc) which is also a reason why clubs tend to shop abroad, but if you have to have a team mainly of English players then the price of the average English player is going to rocket. This also would make a difference for those smaller clubs in the lower leagues who make their money by bringing through young talents to sell to the bigger teams, because the bigger teams would end up signing all the decent and not so decent young players at a really early age (some are even doing that already).

I’m personally blaming the F.A (richest Football association in the world) for employing such idiots at the helm of the national side with no experience or quality. They always come up with a excuse and point a finger at some ridiculous reason for our failure, foreign players, need for a Christmas break, player burnout, but never at themselves for making the biggest mistake in employing a Muppet in the first place. They can sack a decent manager for his dealings off the pitch and then employ him again as a coach and assistant for a manger they’ve employed who is no more than a glorified coach?! How backward is that.

Sorry I’m digressing, anyway, so to stop the import of the Elano’s, Tevez’s, Fabregas’, Ronaldo’s, Drogba’s, Torres’s, Arteta’s and the likes to drag our league to a sub-standard league full of over-priced championship quality players, no, not for me thank.

Come on Israel.

The Fighters Of Foo

Me and my good lady (that’s the wife) ventured out to see the Foo Fighters on Tuesday night at the NEC and even though I’m not a huge fan, enjoyed their performance immensely.

It was rather nippy when we arrived at the Arena and in true, rock and roll fashion we found the Twinnings Tea shop and had a cup of Rosie Lea (well Lesa had a coffee, and we couldn’t find the champagne, but still). We’d arrived in time to see the second half of the support act ‘Serj Tankian’ (System of a Down lead singer), however, his whining tones didn’t draw us in from our cups of warmth, so we sat in the café area for a while discussing rock and roll affairs, as you do.

We got to our seats, which were rather exceptional I must say, 15 or so minutes before the ‘Fighters’ came on and you could feel the anticipation in the air. The gentle hum of thousands of voices and the expectancy rose as the time went on. Then bizarrely a Mexican wave started to circle the Arena accompanied by a cheer as it went. (How do you actually start a Mexican wave? Answers on a postcard.)

The lights of the Arena faded to a crescendo of screams and whistles as four shadowy figures appeared, walked over and picked up or sit at their favoured instruments. Then bang, straight into their opening number to a flash of strobe lights, and there they were, the Foo Fighters energetically thrashing out ‘Let it Die’ from their new album ‘Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace’. The whole arena driven by the crowd, seemed to vibrate along with every power cord struck by the American quartet.

As the opening number ended to an expected, enthusiastic applause, without hardly taking a breath they pounded straight into ‘The Pretender’ again from their new album. The back drop of falling red bombes accompanied the tune and similar images followed as the ‘The Pretender’ then became ‘Times like these’ from the 2002 album ‘One by One’, in a seamless crossover of songs. The ‘Fighters’ creator Grohl ran up and down a specially constructed, raised, narrow runway, which stretched out from the stage and into the centre of the arena floor. Energetically strumming his six string as the fans close by took out the camera phones for pics. To end the opening section of the gig, they belted out ‘Breakout’ which was also sang by the majority of how ever many thousand of fans were inside the NEC. What a start to a gig. Electrifying..

‘Breakout’ finished and was met by the again thunderous applause and Grohl decided to give a run down of what to expect for the rest of the gig. “We’re going to play some shit” he announced, to unanimous amounts of laughter and shrieking. “And when I say shit, I don’t mean shite, I mean we’re going to play some damn, good, shit, if you know what I mean”. I kind of got the gist along with the rest of the crowd judging by their screams, and he continued. “As it’s cold outside, I want it red hot in here, and as I’m already wet, I want the sweat from you guys, dripping off the ceiling”. Hmmm that sounds lovely, I thought, I bet the missus can’t wait for that, rained on by sweat, nice. He went on “We’re going to play some new, some old and some acoustic numbers until you tell us to stop. Deal?”. More shrieks and cheers inevitably followed, as the crowd eagerly waited for the next number.

The ex-Nirvana drummer picked up his guitar and fired back into things with another new song 'Long Road to Ruin'. This went down quite well but before the audience could reflect or give their opinion on the new song the fighters of Foo quickly followed it up with the ever popular DOA. Hundreds if not thousands of fans singing along to the lyrics ‘No ones getting out of here alive’, plus most of the other words made the arena sound like a church with a choir of rockers. It was a neck hair standing up type of thing. .

Then came the highlight of the show, the Foos drummer (Taylor Hawkins) who, on a blacked out stage, picked out by a solitary spotlight, played a unbelievable drum solo which would have put Grohl to shame in his Nirvana pomp. As the solo ended a large, red, ring shaped, chandelier appeared on the ceiling in the centre of the arena, and began to get brighter as it slowly descended towards the centre of the arena floor. It was then apparent that a figure was walking round the circumference of the chandelier contraption as it descended getting ever brighter. Then as the acoustic notes of ‘Skin & Bone’ rang out everyone realised it was good old Mr Dave Grohl who had somehow appeared on the arena ceiling. It was then even more apparent that the chandelier was a stage complete with drum kit etc. As it touched down at the end of the runway linking it to the main stage, dead centre of the arena floor. The rest of the band members ran along the runway to meet the ‘new stage’ and accompanied their front man in an acoustic set including a sublime rendition of ‘My Hero’, followed by Cold Day In The Sun’ and ‘But Honestly’.

We were then introduced to the band, including a violinist, organist and a triangle player?? who had all joined the band for their unique acoustic set. Grohl who was in a jovial mood started the surrounding crowd clapping, so they could keep time as he began plucking his way through the intro of 'Everlong' as the rest of the band made their way back to the main stage. He continued his solo in the centre of the arena floor before running the length of the runway back to the stage which enabled the rest of the band to pipe up with a gigantic sound and light explosion.

‘Everlong’ continued as a two minute instrumental ending with raptures of applause, when Grohl noticed that someone had thrown something at him. It was a thong with a note asking him to ”put these on, and pose for pics”. He declined to moans from his adorning fans, only for him to respond with. “Yeah right, because you would put a strangers thong on and pose for fucking pictures”. He had a point I thought. He then took the attention off the thong by announcing “this is our last one, goodnight”. They ended with a great performance of ‘Why did you have to go away’ before they all walked off to deafening applause, whistles and screams.

The “we want more” chants and encore-whistles were halted when Grohls face appeared on all of the stage, background graphics screens. He was backstage with a type of handycam, mouthing “so do you want some more” and then gesturing with his fingers how many songs were wanted. The screams obviously got louder the more fingers he held up and soon the four Foo Fighters were back on stage and smashing out ‘In your honour’. They followed that up with a high energy performances of ‘This is Call’ and ‘Generator’ before Grohl addressed the crowd again. “Right we’re going to have a bit of fun now, we’re going to play a song we haven’t sung in 12 years, and not because you want us to, but because we want to”. ‘Alone & Easy Target’ was then cracked out as the decibels seemed to raise. But they were still keeping the best till last. After wishing everyone a “Goodnight and thanks for coming” the Foo Fighters ended their evening on stage with an immense ‘Best of You’ finale.

Some of their tracks sound very similar in my opinion, and they might not be everyone’s cup of tea (tea - rock n roll don’t forget) but they don’t half put on a earth shaking, noise intensifying, spectacular show. A truly entertaining night, and the missus loved it.!

Pushed Chairs

I was playing football at the weekend (yes still at my ripe old age) and if you can picture the scene. It was a cup match and there was quite a few people watching. The ball was running out of play for a throw in on the half way. I gave chase along with an opponent. I was trying to shepherd the ball out as it was going to be a throw-in to us and he was trying to keep the ball in play. As I was in between the ball and their player there was only going to be one outcome, that was until the little shit pushed me as hard as he could. I shot forward, stumbling and flailing my arms losing my balance. I looked up to see where I was uncontrollably heading, when I noticed I was flying straight for a group of people in the middle of which, stood a pushchair/pram/buggy type contraption. Thinking quickly (well as quick as I could) I attempted to dive across the fast approaching baby carrier. I managed to clear it, however, I did clip it with my knee as I flew, stuntman style, across the top of it.
I ended up on my back surrounded by a bunch of Bicester locals, laughing at my heroics. Worryingly I got up to see if the occupant of the pram was harmed in any way, only to find that luckily, the mother, or who I assumed was the mother, had been holding the baby all the time and it wasn’t in the pram.
Thinking no more of it, I laughed and got on with the game, which we lost by the way.
Anyway after getting changed in the filthy, dank, wet changing rooms, one of my team mates came in asking who played number 7 for us. I piped up, joking “me, why have I received man of the match”
“No”, he said “There’s a woman outside wanting some money of you, because you’ve damaged her pushchair”.
Fucking Cheek.
I went outside and sure enough, the woman with the baby and pushchair was waiting. Straight away she said “Your number 7 aren’t you?, I want some money off you as you’ve knackered my buggy”. She had some balls, I’ll give her that, but I responded with a few expletives and the contempt it deserved. Unbelievable, some people.

Mike Ashley to IKEA

A quote from Big Mike over the weekend. "I want to have fun and win some trophies," he said. "That's the first aim - to get trophies in the cabinet. However, first of all we have to get a trophy cabinet!"

Sounds Brilliant.

First stop a trohpy cabinet shop.!!!

Old Ages

Why is it that when your young, age is one of the most important things in the world. At a really early age your obviously days, weeks, then months old, but even when your 1 year old, your described as 12 months, one and a half and your 18 months, all the way up until your 2.
Then your age in described in fractions, always 4 and a half or 13 and three quarters or whatever. Then it becomes less important and you’re a whole number 15, 24 etc (just in case you didn’t know what a whole number was).
Once past about 30 however, you forget all about age and you completely forget how old you are and have to calculate it from your date of birth (that is if you can remember what year it is) when asked. Or you just lie about it, and pretend your younger than you actually are, that’s mainly a woman thing though. My mother in law lies about her age so much that she now has to lie about my wife’s age, just so it checks out.
Then it goes almost full circle, when you get into your ‘twilight’ years. You all of a sudden remember EXACTLY how old you are, Alzheimer’s or not. Because then you have bragging rights, and will use those rights all the time, even just to start a conversation off in a doctors waiting room, “I’m 81 nearly 82 and I’ve got all my own teeth”.
Not sure the point of this little story, just my thought for the day……

Neil & Lisa (The Happy Couple)

During my wedding service, we had a couple of readings, one of which was done by our nephew Nathan (aged 9), it was a little (well quite lengthy really for a 9 year old) poem about me and the wife meeting etc. Anyway, I thought I’d stick this on here as some people have asked to see it.

Lisa & Neil


They both met one evening, at a ro-mantic spot,
At the bar down in Banbury’s Chicago Rock.
But it took them a while before together they would be,
They waited until they were colleagues at the company CPB.

So the courtship had started for Lisa and Neil,
No time for the cinema or candle lit meal.
They soon moved in together as happy can be,
Six Marlborough Road over in Banbury.

After they’d been together for years, I think 3,
They bought a beautiful little house called the Boundary.
Living in Middleton Cheney was always the plan,
So they moved to Bowman’s Close opposite Lisa’s Nan.

Both sets of families met, and they got along grand,
The Southerners, the Jocks and the folk from Geordie land.
But Neil being a Geordie, my Granddad gives him Flack,
But it could have been a lot worse, Neil could have been … a Makem.

Over in Portugal the proposal question was popped,
And the way it was done, I don’t think could be topped.
By moon light on a cliff top, the view had the lot,
When Neil said to Lisa, “So, do you fancy marrying me or what?”

Soon into the engagement, the planning then begun,
And Lisa and her mum said “there’s shopping to be done”.
And to make a change, every Saturday without fail,
To shops in all directions, Lisa and her mum would trail.

Neil really wanted to go with them, to each shopping mall,
But he was too busy with business involving a foot and a ball.
But it’s all come together and this day will be the best,
After this Lisa and her mother deserve a good long rest. (With a bit of shopping thrown in).

So today is the day when the happy couple are wed,
And a fantastic couple they are too, it has to be said (can you tell Neil wrote this).
We’ve all gathered here to celebrate their wedding day,
That’s the end of my little story, only one more thing to say.

They are not only lovers, but they truly are best mates,
Meaning that their future together, bodes to be really great.
Becoming Mr & Mrs Townley-Williams, that will make it real,
So all the best of luck, to Aunty Lisa and Uncle Neil.

ntw

Favourite Sayings (Part 1)

I was thinking the other day (yeah, every few days I like to have a little think), about bizarre ridiculous sayings and thought I’d share a few of them with you. So here you go….

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”! Is there, how many and how do people know that?

“It’s not a million miles away”!! – Thanks, helpful, where is??

Don’t tell your granny how to suck eggs – OK Right? I’ll try not too?!

Hang on I’ve just had another thought…….
Why don’t you see robins (the birds) in summer?? Hmmmm.

WED MOON

Hello, Hello, Hello,
I’m back from my wedding/honeymoon, the wedding went very smoothly and was absolutely top draw. Everything went to plan, the weather was fantastic and all in all, everyone had a great time (I think, well everyone I’ve spoke to anyway). Lewis had decorated his Beemer up with black and white ribbons for my arrival which was cool. Everyone arrived in good time, well, pretty much anyway. The ceremony was quite comical, especially when the registrar said to me, repeat after me. “Why I Neil Williams” to which I put my broadest Geordie accent on to say “WEY AYE Neil Williams”. What a comedy genius, I bet it’s never been done before.
The Spanish Cuban Salsa day time band ‘Mas Y Mas’ were superb and the fog fizz went down splendidly. The speeches by my groomsmen (Lard, Blah, Warner and Diet) were good, although when Warner said that he thought I was going to Wales on my honeymoon as I said ‘I was going to Banger for two weeks’ and Lisa’s dad picked up that knife I got a little, should I say nervous.

The food was great and the cocktail party went well, then it all got a little hazy. We cut the cake and our first dance was teenage wedding a la Pulp Fiction style, which was a laugh, the evening band then kicked in and they rocked. More drinks etc etc……what a phenomenal day…

The honeymoon too was great, 2 weeks in Sharm el Sheik, the resort was superb, the red sea spectacular but the surrounding area? Hmm not great. Narma Bay (the local town) was ok I suppose, but you got hassled to buggary from the locals wanting you to “come in to my shop” or “come and I’ll get you my business card” (what for? No idea). The tipping also was beyond believe, I didn’t want to look at some of them, in case they wanted a tip.

We also went to Cairo to see the Pyramids and sphinx. Cairo wasn’t what I expected it to be, it was a huge city, full of high rise, ugly, dirty, tower blocks. The pyramids were pretty much slap bang next to the tower blocks, not what I expected at all. They were really cool to see and wander round, as was the sphinx, but it wasn’t as magical or mysterious as I thought. Especially when you can see a McDonalds and KFC 50 yards or so away. The Cairo museum (where the artefacts removed from the pyramids are kept) was quite interesting, mummified crocodiles, hundreds of sculptures from a few centimetres high to 20 meters high. (God knows how they moved them around nowadays never mind thousands of years ago). However, some of the most important artefacts, for example Tutankhamun’s gold mask were replicas, why?, because the originals are in another museum. Must be in Luxor Museum, I thought, valley of the kings and all that. No, wrong, they are in London. Bloody London, I’d got a flight (and as some of you may know, I’ve got to get paralytic before I get on a flight, as I hate flying), on the oldest plane still active, to a shit hole of a city to be told the most important pieces I was looking at were replicas because the originals were an hour down the road from where I live. What a fucking cheek.
You also got pestered to death at the pyramids too for cash, or “tips” as they liked to call it, Arabs on camels would saunter over (can you saunter on a camel? Who knows) and say “do you want a ride on my camel”, which you could ride for free to be honest, however, he would charge you for getting off the smelly fucking thing, sometimes up to £100. or he’d say “let me take a photo of you” then charge you for the privilege. There was help at hand though, there were police on camels who would chase away the harassers for you if they got a bit too much, BUT and it’s a big BUT, the police would then come back to you for tips, for getting rid of the person who was harassing you for money.!! UNBELIEVEABLE.
Me and my good wife went into a tomb where there were hieroglyphics on the wall and a scruffy security guard reading the paper in the corner. As I started to take photographs the guard, got up and rubbed his fingers against his thumb whispering “tips, tips”. “For what?” I asked, “Reading the fucking paper”.
“No tips, no photo, get out”. The cheeky sod. I should have gone to the police, oh hang on, that would have probably cost me more!!
Luckily the cash point in our hotel didn’t have any money in it the morning of our trip so I had no “tips, tips” to give the greedy shits. It didn’t however, stop them patting me down to check after they’d point me in the direction of the Sphinx, they even checked under my hat for cash. I mean, honestly.
I did have £15 (Egyptian pounds) about £1.50 which I had to give to a persistent bloke on a camel who followed us round and demanded he took a picture of us stood next to his camel (which incidentally was called Michael Jackson). It was ‘Bad’ shit.

(Above: Me, Lisa and Michael Jackson)
Anyway, I know it may not sound brilliant but I’m pleased that I’ve seen this ‘wonder of the world’. They were quite awe inspiring even if they didn’t make me feel like Indiana Jones and it was a experience in it’s self. The Nile was very nice and we had tea (well wine) on a boat, which was very British and pleasant.

Swimming/Snorkelling in the red sea was unbelievable, the fish are just amazing, anything from glamorous angel fish to graceful manta rays and other fish in every different shape and every colour imaginable. Stunning.

We went jeep rallying across the very rocky dessert and camel trekking along the coast. By the time we’d finished we felt as if we’d been kicked to Sharm El Shiek, but it was a good laugh.

A great honeymoon, not our first choice (because they were out of season) nevertheless a phenomenally brilliant time.

I’m getting married in the…….morning.

Well, I’m too busy preparing for the big day now. Friday 14th Sept. so this blog will be a little quiet for a while. I’m then off the Egypt, for 2 weeks in Sharmel Shiek and I can’t wait. Yippee. Anyway, I’ll let you know all about it when I come back.

England tonight and surely the red faced ginger one has to pick the same team, especially after Heskey made me eat my cyber words.!? The whole team looked balanced I thought and deserve another go. Also three live Toon games on while I’m away, GREAT. Up the Toon.

See You Soon.

The Boy Done Good..

I told you didn’t I, I told you Heskey should be back in the England squad…… Oh ok I know, I didn’t, I ridiculed the idea, as he’s a big lump of a cart horse.
Ok, I admit it, Heskey played really well on Saturday, he did the job he was supposed to do, and that was to make a nuisance of himself and hold the ball up. His link up play I thought was exceptional even if he did miss a couple of sitters (but then again little Mickey did also). We shouldn’t all get really carried away though as it was only Israel at home?! The ‘big test’. as everyone is saying. is Russia?! Granted Russia are a decent team, but how bad can it be getting, we haven’t been this worried about the visit of the Russians, since the cold war. We should be destroying teams like Russia at home, in fact, we should have walked this group to be fair.!! Anyhow, in my opinion McClaren should keep the same team as on Saturday as we performed well in every department. Let just see what happens eh?

MAN URE - Robbing Tactics.

It seems that the new American hieracy that has taken over at Manchester United has decided to bleed dry the only loyal/proper supporters they have. It seems that ManUre had written into the small print of the season ticket terms that they would only release the season tickets to the purchaser of such item if they agreed to buy a ticket for every cup game for the forthcoming season. That included all Euro ties. Bearing in mind these tickets retail at £38 a pop.

Well a bloke I work with who has been a season ticket holder for the past 11 years is going mental and has already contacted ManUre for his season ticket money back and has told them to shove their tickets up their fat cash hording arse. As he was telling me this, I assumed he was exaggerating and he must have know I was thinking this, because as I got back to my desk I noticed he’d forwarded an email from ManUre telling him that they’d tried to debit his account for the first cup ticket.. and this is what it said…..

"In the event of a card or payment being declined: (i) a ticket will not be issued, (ii) where the season ticket holder is a One Year Only Season Ticket holder, such season ticket holder may lose their priority position on any season ticket waiting list, and (iii) the season ticket holder will be liable to pay any resulting bank or other similar charge incurred by the Club. In addition, if a card or payment is declined on two or more occasions (whether during a single season or over the course of more than one season) the Club shall have the right to: (i) terminate the season ticket holder’s participation in the Season Ticket Holders Home Cup Ticket Scheme; (ii) withdraw the season ticket holder’s season ticket with immediate effect and/or; (iii) terminate any other arrangements that the season ticket holder has with the Club."

….Bloody hell, I know, robbing bastards. So they could terminate your season ticket for not buying a cup ticket? Now that is taking your eye balls out. Truly devilish behaviour (pun intended). Just thought I’d share that with you. So you season ticket holders at other clubs. It may not be too long before the others catch on, it’s up to you to make a stand, and or, read the small print to avoid highway robbery. I though will continue to be a armchair supporter with the odd away game thrown in for good measure. But to be fair, it’s a good job for non-NUFC fans that I don’t go to every game, because I’m quite a lucky omen to be honest. I’ve never seen Newcastle get beat in the Premier League. And before you say it, (you’ve probably only been to 1 game) no, I’ve probably been to about 30-40 games, admittedly in the Keegan days but still, not a bad accolade to have. Plus I have seen them play, Man U, Liverpool and Arsenal in recent seasons. Up the Toon.

BLOODY HESK

What on earth is going on, (See my post below entitled In-Grrrr-lund, last paragraph) “At least he didn’t recall Heskey”. Well yes, the red faced fool has gone and re-called Mr Goal machine himself Emile Heskey, 6 goals in 43 games!!??
Apparently Owen has asked for him, if that’s the case then not only has Owen has lost his mind, but more importantly, WHO IS PICKING THE ENGLAND SQUAD? McLaren or the players?

Emile Heskey, I mean HESKEY, what happened to a new beginning for England, out with the old and in with the new blood. He dropped all the old faithful, only to bring them back along with a couple of donkey’s for good luck (not sure if donkey’s bring you good luck, but you know what I mean).

I understand, no not understand, I’ve heard that he wants to bring back some more experienced players. So Heskey. The only thing that he’s experienced in, is looking embarrassed to be in the England set up. What’s wrong with bringing some of the young talent into the fold? The likes of young Derbyshire, Lita or even Nugent (one in one for England). Or my favourite, if he’s looking for a big target man, then look no further than Dean Ashton, at least he’s got some skill and guile to go with it.

Quote from Heskey after hearing about his call-up, "I have to admit it comes as a bit of a surprise." No shit Sherlock. But then it just shows McLarens, inept managerial skills. I wonder if his PR man, Max Clifford put him up to this? At least if it’s publicity he wants, it’s what he’s going to get!! Why does the England boss need a PR man like Clifford anyway? Tosser.

Hiddink v McLaren, great, it’s going to take a huge performance from the underachieving England team, because McLaren is never going to win in a battle of tactics, wit, charm, guile or belief over Hiddink.

Bring back the Swede or the Turnip, either way we’re managed by a vegetable.

The sign of signs

This is boring, but, I was thinking on my way to work this morning about how much time I waste reading absolutely pointless signs.
For example. The signs stuck on the back of car windows saying things like “Baby on Board” or “Children on Board”. Well great, thanks for that, I’m pleased you informed me of that, because if you didn’t I was going to smash right into your car.
Also, coming to work this morning I read a sign (whilst queuing in traffic) saying, “if you can read this your too close”. Fuck off man. Who’s the sinner there? The person reading it, or the person putting a sign on their car in print so small, curious people have to drive closer to read it. Wankers.

Then there is the pointless road signs, especially the hazard signs. Like the one with kids on, or old people. Fair enough there maybe people ahead to watch out for like near a old peoples home or a school. But the ones with cows, and deer, also badgers?? For fuck sake, you might as well just put up “random animals may be on the road”? you could put those up on any road everywhere, how much is that costing us a year in road tax etc.
Then there is the sign with an aeroplane on it?? What the fuck? I’ve never seen a plane on the road. “Look out aeroplanes”!! Also “falling rocks”? What use is that to anyone? All of these are just random objects in the road (well except for the aeroplanes). What’s next, “beware, hub-caps in road” or “people may be committing suicide off bridges ahead” or “danger meteorites falling”. Bollocks.

It’s all a load of nonsense I know, but, I’m bored and had to write something to keep myself entertained. True though also.

COLE-DEN OLDIE

So Andy Cole is going to Scumderland eh? Well good, he’ll do sod all to help them survive. This may come as a shock to some Newcastle fans, but, I never rated Cole, ever.

Granted he scored a bag-full of goals for us to get us promotion and also kept us in the Premier League during our preliminary season, but in my opinion Peter ‘The magician’ Beardsley put probably 90% of his chances on a plate and made ‘Andrew’ Cole. The only reason we kept Cole and sold David Kelly at the end of our promotion season was because Cole had pace and Kelly didn’t.
When Cole was at Newcastle in the Premier league, I used to compare him to the SAS at Blackburn, and if they (Shearer & Sutton) lost the ball, they would chase back and fight to win it back. Did Cole do that for us? No, I thought that he was a lazy player and if we lost the ball in the final third then he’d shrug his shoulders and wander back to the half way line and wait for Pedro to receive the ball again, and cast some majestic spells, while Cole basked in the glory.

Then KK sold him to Fergie, and Geordies from Tynemouth to Morpeth were crying into their McEwans. But not me, I was worried as to where the goals were going to come from but always thought Keegan has a master plan.

So Cole ‘the goal’ went to old Trafford and again he had a magician at Manchester, in the shape of Cantona, however, he also had Giggs, Beckham and co supplying the bullets so he was bound to score bagfuls again wasn’t he? Well you’d think so, but it seemed that he needed 7 chances to score 1 goal. The problem for everyone else in the league was that the other players at Man Utd would provide him with at least seven chances, so yeah, he scored goals. But I always used to say, Stevie Wonder would score goals playing up front in that team.

Any way he’s gone to Scumberland as their ‘big’ transfer and I really think that he may be the anchor on the chain that drags them to the bottom of the sea. He’s not going to be able to play every game as he’s too old and what SAFC need is a young fit, quality (if possible) player, that can put their foot on the ball and make things happen. Unfortunately without that player I feel they’re fucked. Oh well. Diddums.

I know some people might not agree with my thoughts on Cole, but I don’t care. What do I knowwww, I don’t know nothing. (Arctic Monkey’s style sing along there). Only my humble opinion.

IF ANYONE CAN, MACCA CAN’T

He got the job, that no top manager would want,
Coz he’s a brown nose little cunt.
McClaren

The red faced man with Ginger Hair,
Was given the job by Soho Square.
McClaren

He dropped Becks, which was a complete disgrace,
But had to bring him back, getting egg on his face.
McClaren

Formation and tactics, he hasn’t a clue,
He has to ask Venables what to do.
McClaren

There’s no chance of us winning a thing again,
I’d even prefer that we brought back Sven.
McClaren

So Germany tonight, the old enemy’s back,
And I hope we get hammered, so he gets the sack.
Steve Fucking McClaren.

ntw

In-Grrrrr-Lund

Just before I start, just like to say how pleased I am that Dyer has finally left NUFC, Big Sam has, at last, shipped out the last of the ‘bad eggs’. Keiron Dyer always reminded me of George Best… The name describes the man..

Right, here I go, I just need to have another rant about our current national team boss. I can’t even bear to type his name, but you know who I’m talking about. The ginger haired, red faced, ex-smoggie manager. At best a glorified coach. For the purpose of this piece I’ll call him “SM”.

Beckham, after one game for the ‘Galaxy’ (yeah too good for a country, or the world now plays for the galaxy) has been picked in “SM’s” squad. Well, frankly why, what the fuck is the point? He has to travel 1000’s of miles to play in a friendly. There is no way that ‘Goldenballs’ can be fit, we all know his qualities, but why drag him half way around the world? Surely “SM’s” not going to play him? Leave him in L.A to build his fitness up and play for the club that are paying him an ‘out of this world’ sum of money. If he plays or not ‘Galaxy’ still have a match the following day, so he’ll miss that, or play jet lagged, and still unfit. If I was a boss at ‘Galaxy’ I’d be livid if “SM” was even thinking of bringing Becks into the squad never mind contemplating playing the tattoo sporting, style icon.

Then there is Michael Owen, which is of more interest to me obviously, however, I’m not being bias, I’m just saying that he’s played about 13 seconds of Premier League football in about 12 months. How is he in the squad ahead of someone like, I don’t know, Nugent. Also and more disturbingly is that he’ll probably get a game in front of the likes of Bent, Johnson and Defoe. If he does then they should do a Carragher and tell “SM” to fuck right off. Again like Beckham everyone knows about Owen, he can score goals on the international stage, but the others? Johnson, Nugent, Bent, Defoe etc etc, are pretty unproven, so at least give them the opportunity in a friendly and on a big stage and lets see what they can do.

For fuck sake Gerrard is even in the ‘squad’, why? He has already said that he isn’t going to play because he has a broken toe!!!!??

I know “SM” has said that he wants to bring these players together, OK bring them together but leave the ‘crocks’ out of the squad and just meet up with them to discuss what ever it is he wants to discuss.

I hate the man, he is inept, absolutely abysmal and he’ll never be the true England manager as long as I’ve got a hole in my arse. At least he didn’t recall Heskey.
To be honest I hope we get beat off the Germans. 6-0 or something, making Soho square think about their choice in manager!! I quite like Germans now anyway, they’re my favourite.!! ;-)
GET “SM” OUT

READ THIS.........

I will write something soon, but in the mean time, READ THIS. HE'S MY FAVOURITE....

http://fasthands-thegeordieauthor.blogspot.com/

No News Is....

Pretty boring, and I’ve been a little busy or lazy to be frank.
Alright already, I’ve been a little busy at late. But he’s some news.
Well my stag do seems like a distant memory and to be honest there aren’t many memories that I have of it anyway… Jeez what a weekend…. I’d love to tell you about the shenanigans but I really don’t remember much.
Any how, the premier league kicked off on Saturday and I must admit I was very excited, we had our fantasy league auction and I had a couple of ‘sherbets’ and ended up buying the biggest pile of wankchops ever. But you never know, they may gel…..

The table never lies, look at the table, the mighty black n whites perching at the top. This will obviously all change in midweek as we haven’t got a game but then again, it probably would have anyway. I’ve just looked at a couple of NUFC forums and already there are idiots on there talking about a possible top 4 finish. This after we’ve just beat a team that I think, will have a relegation battle on their hands. If we’d of beaten Chelsea 3-1 at the Bridge then, yeah, maybe, start the dreaming. But until then…………..

A pregnant girl at work isn’t pregnant any more either. She gave birth 5 weeks early at a music festival in Bristol. Now that’s rock n roll. She’s called in Meadow?! I know… I fields sorry for it too…. She’s not the brightest of sparks though to be fair, she once asked me if we got pancake day off as a public holiday.. Bless her.

FOUR WEEKS ON FRIDAY UNTIL MY WEDDING. Jesus H Corbett, I’m getting a little nervous now, but I don’t know what about?!?!

I know the above is a little sketchy but I’m going to think up something brilliant to talk about and then you’ll see….

You know I said I occasionally write the odd poem for people, well a couple friends of mine were going to their brothers(and in laws) wedding and asked if I’d write them some thing to inform the happy couple that they’d bought them a helicopter ride in the grand canyon as a wedding present. They give me some background history and thus was the finished article….

When Simon & Zoe first met on that night,
On the fourth of December 04.
You could tell then, that it was love at first sight,
Busting moves on Inferno’s dance floor.

They then got engaged whilst on their holls,
In the Dominican Republic, how divine.
No expense spared with the size of the ring,
All the way from Argos for £9.99.

Now the time has arrived at Fawsley Hall,
It’s time to celebrate their wedding day.
Today is the beginning of their lives together,
And tomorrow their honeymoon in the U.S of A.

So it’s across the Atlantic to the United States,
For the new groom and for the new bride.
Take in the Grand Canyon, which you’ll both see in style,
As we’ve got you a HELICOPTER RIDE.

We’re sure you’ve had an amazing day,
And hope your honeymoon is as good as can be.
We’d like to congratulate you both once again,
All our love from Emma and from J.P.

Kurt Cobain't gettin on no plane.....

Well it’s finally arrived, almost, and I’ll be jetting off to Berlin for my stag weekend in the morning. Tomorrow has been named (by me) as Dead Rock Star Friday and we’re all going to Berlin dressed as dead rock stars as mentioned previously. Anyway this time tomorrow the ‘eagle’ should have landed so to speak and I should be enjoying a couple of Large ones in a fine Brau Keller (Beer Garden) somewhere in Berlin. The weather looks to be perfect, full sunshine and 26C all weekend so I expect it to be fun fun fun in the sun sun sun.

EXCEPT I hate flying, so will have to get leathered at the airport. Not sure that I’m going to do the same as when I went to Edinburgh and drank a bottle & a glass of wine followed by 2 and a half pints of Stella before boarding. Boarding incidentally was 8.30am. Obviously, I was totally hammered, I think anyway, can’t really remember. Oh and lost my luggage which was really helpful. Anyway, hope none of the later happens in Berlin.

I’ve had so many bad flight experiences from aborted landings to emergency exit door malfunctioning to name but two and I’d be here all day telling you the ‘full stories’ or all of the incidents.

We’re going to one of the worlds largest Beer festivals whilst over there, which has a 1.5km long beer garden which should be amusing. Not sure if the 'Jormans' will be that impressed when 16 mentalist roll up singing, “There were 10 German bombers in the air…… until the RAF from Newc’stle shot one down…….” Oh god…..

Oh the mighty black n whites are close to signing Alan “fuck off” Smith and an old Braziliant Centre half….. But more on the new signings when I return, if I return.

Hopefully none of the lads are dressing up as Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens or Ottis Redding, because we all know how they become ‘Dead Rock Stars’.. Oh shit……

Don’t Worry/Worry - ??

I know a lot of people are saying don’t worry, Sam will get it right etc etc. But it has become apparent that he hasn’t the money everyone thought he was going to get, in fact he’s only spent £2.7m? It’s also apparent that other ‘mid-table’ clubs are splashing the cash!! Were all the rumours of potential world class signings (Deco etc) made around the same time season tickets applications were due in, a coincidence, or actually made by the club to get them sold? I ask you this question if Mr Ashley is saying he’s not opening his wallet to spend money, why not, he’s sold all the season tickets? & WHAT’S HAPPENED TO THE £40m, PROMISED TV REVENUE MONEY.!!

LIES, LIES, LIES.

The same spin the old regime at NUFC gave, the new one has done EXACTLY the same. At the time of year when season ticket applications need to be in, we are linked with some of the best players in the world, Deco, Ronaldinho etc etc. Then as soon all the applications are filled (ie, when they have their pockets lined) they shut up shop, “sorry no money now”.
Absolutely disgraceful. As for above. Trust Ashley? If he’s worth his salt, he’d put the problems of the clubs past to one side and at least invest some of his cash on 2 or 3 players at least. I don’t even want him to ‘break the bank’ just a few million for maybe (Baines, Hypia, SWrightPhillips with Dyer shipped out). We always spend at least £15m and WHAT’S HAPPENED TO THE MEGA BUCKS TV MONEY EVERYONE IS GETTING? SHOCKING.!!
Does he even want Big Sam there? Not by the backing he’s getting.!!

Berlin Invasion

Well it’s my Stag do this coming Friday and I must admit I was little apprehensive at first, but now I just think, ah bollocks to it! It only hit home a couple of weeks ago that it’s my, that’s MY stag do!? Before that, I’d been thinking, brilliant Stag Do in Berlin in a few weeks, not MY stag do. I did think that I’d have to make sure everyone was ‘OK’, and ‘getting on’ and ‘having a good time’, but now I don’t care, people can do what they want and as they please. Fuck 'em/You.

It should be brilliant though, Dead Rock Star Friday should be mental, so far I think we have. 2 John Lennons, a Sid Vicious (well a punk really), Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis, Johnny Cash, a Frank Sinatra n Sammy Davis junior, possibly 2 Freddie Mercurys (One Naked, one not so), oh and a Kurt Cobain. Being picked up a 9am on Friday morning at Banbury Cross if anyone in the area fancies a laugh.!! Then off to the Berlin Beer festival for 4 days of lunacy (some naked). I’ve changed my mind now, I’m really looking forward to it, all my friends (mostly) there, should be good banter, no, not good, brilliant! Sat in a Beer garden in Berlin getting hammered with Lennon, Elvis, Vicious, Marley, Mercury, Cash, The Rat Pack and Hendrix, doesn’t get any better than that, it’s what dreams are made of (almost). Can’t wait. Nevermind.

Dyer/Dire - Going Going Gone...

OK Dyer does add a different dimension to our game and that he is a threat and pulls defenders about, which in turn frees up our strikers. But to be honest he doesn’t play enough, and as he’s 28 it’s time we cash in on a 80k a week crock. That is before I mention (what everyone knows) his attitude, which is disgusting, on and off the field. Burning £50 notes in front of fans “because I can and you can’t” and refusing to play in certain positions. Plus HE wants to leave. I say get rid of the jumped up little shit & good riddance. Can change a game but fucking hate him. Get rid of him and bring in Wright-Phillips. Dyer - See you next Time!!!

Come on WITHOUT, Come on Within……….

He’s nothing like a Mighty Quinn.
Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn has hit out at his Premiership counterparts who have inflated the transfer market, spending too much money on mediocre players.!

He’s been quoted as saying "If I was going to spend a fortune on breaking the bank, I would be going after the players Liverpool or Manchester United wanted to sign."

Well I’ve got two words for him Kieran and Richardson, who in the top four wanted to sign him? Who in there right mind would spend £5.5m on him?
In fact, I’ve got more words for him, what about, Paul McShane from West Brom. (1.5m) and Norwich City midfielder Dickson Etuhu for £1.5m.
It has been reported that Sunderland have spent £17.5 million in this Transfer window so far? ON WHO. The three players I’ve just mentioned total £8m, who’s the other £9.5m on and did Quinn have to wrestle with ManU or Liverpool to sign the mystery man/men? I very much doubt it.

He is also making a point of saying that, he has no hand in the transfers, except for when the cheque needs signing. Is that his way of saying that if the players are shit then it’s not his fault?? To be fair I suppose that’s all the chairmen should do, and at least he’s backing that (in the words of Alan Shearer) 'prick' Keane.
£17.5 million, on no one Man U or Liverpool wanted to sign, hmmm, as my only Makem friend said last night “it’s going to be a long season”. Can they beat their worst points total in Premiership history?

Political Arrest...

I see Gordon Brown is thinking about doubling the period terrorists suspects can be held without charge (from 28days to 56days). His also wants to allow the confiscation of passports as part of improved security.

However, The Tories say there is no evidence an extension on 28 days is necessary. Human rights lawyer Imran Khan also said it would send "mixed messages" to Muslims.

Well my opinion is this, if they are a threat to our national security then detain them for as long as is necessary to prove them innocent or guilty. There must be a reason they are detained otherwise they wouldn’t be detained in the first place.

Also to Imran Khan, he is the one sending a mixed message to ‘Muslims’, I’m sure that nowhere in this new law (if passed) it will state. “Anyone suspected of terrorism can be held without charge for 56 days especially Muslims”? So why bring a religion into it? We’ve done this for decades with Catholic and Protestants whilst combating terrorism within the IRA and other terrorist groups. It's just that as the threat is a lot greater, more time is needed. Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Hindu, white, black and even Jedi, doesn’t matter, shouldn’t matter, if there’s a threat arrest the bastards.

How come if a crime has been done against anyone who isn’t white then it’s either a race or religion afflicted crime?

Who is the most persecuted? We are.!! But don’t even get me started on that one.!

Shepherd OUT!

The powers at be must have read my blog! !!!!

Lets see if anything changes now......

___________________________________________

Mort in for Shepherd at Newcastle

Shepherd sold his shares in Newcastle to businessman Mike Ashley
Freddy Shepherd has been replaced as Newcastle United chairman by his deputy Chris Mort.
"I am delighted to become chairman of such a fabulous club," Mort told the club website.

"Since arriving at St James' Park I have been hugely encouraged by the warm welcome I have received from fans.

"The strategic review of the club is going well and, with the new season fast approaching, we feel the time is right to make the change."

He added: "I would like to thank Freddy Shepherd for all he has done for the club over the last 15 years."

Q: What is happening at Newcastle United – A: Not a lot.

What is going on? The majority of fans finally got their own way (sort of) and fat Fred and his gang were eventually bought out by a billionaire investor who “wants to take the club to the highest level”.
Well, we’ve finally been taken off the stock market and are no longer a PLC. Great, I thought, time for Mr Ashley to unleash his wrath on the rest of the Premier League and splash the cash on some much needed talent and get the team/squad up there where they belong. Well so far he’s spent zip and nothing really seems to have changed at NUFC now that the dust has settled. The problem is Fat Fred is still at the helm by the sounds of it, only instead of a board to answer to, he has a single figure in Mike Ashley. Time to use his media arm (based in the Groat Market) and ‘spin’ some stories.
We’ve sold our captain let others go who were at the end of their contracts and who have we brought in? Barton to replace Parker, a good bit of business in my eyes and a couple of freebee’s (again quality), but were not setting the world on fire and we’ve still let more go then brought to the club!
There are other ‘mid-table’ clubs spending a lot more than us and whipping their fans up into a frenzy with signings, however, we’re not even coming close.
In the past couple of weeks it’s been reported that we’ve been enquiring about and even had representatives in Spain regarding, Gudjonnson, Rhonaldinho, Deco, even Hollywood himself Beckham on loan, not to mention all the other manner of footballing superstars. Incidentally this was just as the season ticket applications were due back! Coincidence? I think not, just another smoke screen, the same as every pre-season at this time when the board/owner want the seats bought.
Right now, the only inches we’re getting in the gossip columns of the daily rags is about selling more players, and not the ones with the ridiculous ‘buy out’ clauses in their contacts (Dyer).
I appreciate that Big Sam won’t be rushed into panic buying, and that as we’re not in Europe we may find it hard to attract the calibre of players wanted to take us to the next level, but, when clubs in the same boat as us, ala West Ham, Man City, and Portsmouth are managing to sign players and some quality players at that, ahead of us, makes me question weather or not Big Sam has the full backing of the new board or are his hand financially tied? Even Sunderland are bidding 6m on a full back that we so desperately need.!! Come on Ashley, let us know your intentions. Is it just me that is beginning to get worried?

Most Interesting Club - NUFC - I love it.

Just reading some comments (again) on BBC's 606 and some Makems, Mancs and other idiotic “fans” attempting to take the piss out of us Geordies.! Club in scandal etc etc, well I thought I’d comment. From the heart more then the head but fuck it!!!!

The title read “Newcastle have a great following in England. They're called the Metropolitan Police.”

My response.

Ha funny, I must admit I laughed.

To be honest, IT’S GREAT BEING A TRUE NEWCASTLE FAN. Sorry not great ABSOLUTELY EFFING AMAZING. !!

I don’t care about all the scandal, bring it on, the Met (city of London you mean) following us blah, blah, yadda, yadda.

It just makes it all the more interesting. Something to talk about. It even makes you gimps who don’t support Newcastle, comment on this site, almost like you always show a passing interest in the news of NUFC. How sad does that make you? I’m pleased I don’t support the boring, (yawn) clubs that you do. Especially the glory hunter fans, and you know who you are (live in Milton Keynes and support Liverpool/Man U/Chelsea etc etc). Then the club can’t truly be in your heart!! But even so, you true supports also, I know your teams maybe better (at the moment) Always winning, yeah so. It’s all about the entertainment and passion. I hear you saying “when was the last time you won anything”? who cares, when we do can you imagine the party.? It’ll be brilliant. But until then…. It’s still fantastic.
As I say, always something to talk about. Good or bad, right or wrong, we are the most interesting team in the land and you prove it by commenting on us day in day out. I LOVE IT. Would you still be supporting your teams if they were in division 3 or the conference? I doubt it, but us Geordies would.

Squeaky Clean Clubs = Boring
Scandal/Rebel Clubs = Rock n Roll.
I know what I’d chose everytime..

NUFC till I die and beyond…….

Wasting my precious time........ Women

I swear to god, a girl in my office just said to me, "Do you know what I was thinking earlier". To which I replied, "No, it could of been anything". She responded with. "Can't remember".
Jesus fricking christ!!!! NOW THAT IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND BREATH.!!!! For fucks sake.!!

Up Toon Boy - The Weekend.

Went up to Newcastle the weekend just gone, left at 11.30am got to Leeds in about 2hrs and then noticed on them stupid fricking motorway signs that the A1(M) was closed. “Marvellous”, I thought. Got diverted into York and then up the A19, problem was everything going North had to do the same, so I had to bust some moves and find my own little way there.!! ;-)
Finally got there at 4pm (nice).
Went out with all the old gang around my local haunts and had a really good night. It was almost like going back 10yrs. Slipped straight back into the piss taking banter and reminiscing on all the scrapes we used to get into.
After gate crashing a 30th birthday party we headed for our usual lock-in at the ‘middle hoose’ and continued to drink until 3am, well that’s when I left the others didn’t leave until 5.30am but I had to drive home the next day.
Met another old pal from Banbury/Newcastle on Sunday morning and then had dinner with wor kid, before heading back down South. I hate the A1(M), goes on forever.

Anyway, cracking weekend. Back up to the Toon next weekend to do the ‘family thing’ which will be just as good. Beltas.

Spurs apparently sniffing round N'Zogbia

On BBC 606 a spurs fan was asking for the opinion of NUFC fans about Charlie Nzogbia, as they are after a left winger... Well he's my response..
I personally think he’s a headless chicken with no end product. He struggles to give the ball to feet anything over 5 yards, and just runs with his head down and can’t pick a penetrating/defence splitting pass (not good for a creative midfield/winger) and his crossing…. well his crossing is brilliant if Owen/Martins/Viduka is sat in row ZZ. & then there is his attitude, which is well, as shocking as his crossing. He’s good at going past a player but you need a hell of a lot more than that to be competing at the top end of the league. Potential is a word used to often for footballers, which in my opinion is an excuse when they aren’t exactly cutting the mustard. I know he’s only 19 and can possibly get better, but I’d rather he was farmed out on loan to show what he can do (if anything) then given the opportunity in our first team, as he’s had enough of those already.

New Wheels........................

Oh if you see a Black Audi A4 Convertible flying around with the majestic sounds of the Stone Roses banging from within, and a long haired blonde Geordie at the wheel then that’s me. I’ve got my hands on one for a couple of weeks….. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Chimes sing Sunday morn………..

McLaren Out / Well Done Jamie. We're being run by Muppets Anyway..!

After hearing the rant that Jamie Carragher had on, talk sport I think it was, then on the 606 debate I thought I’d put my couple of pennies worth in. Oh and my opinion on the current laughable McLaren/England set up.
Phil, as a Newcastle fan and a ‘Northerner’ I agree with your comment about us putting club before country, always have and always will, mainly because ours clubs are closer to our hearts I s’pose, however, I’d still say we are passionate England fans and always want England to win. McLaren (Who in my opinion is the worst England manger ever employed) doesn’t have a clue and is at most a glorified coach. McLaren (Mgr), Venables (Coach), how does that work then? I’m obviously not the only one who thinks that this is the most back to front set-up imaginable? Back to the Carragher issue, McLaren press conference when appointed said he would be picking a young squad to take us forward into the Euro qualifiers, and then picked a squad of players in my opinion that he thought would be the nucleus of the squad going to the Euro 08. He didn’t pick the strongest squad available at the time regardless of age and that is why our qualification is in such a mess, and why he has had to eat the pie made of humble and bring back players (Beckham). Carragher has been the best centre half consistently in the last couple of years in my opinion fighting on all fronts domestically and in Europe but is constantly overlooked. I think because his style is more no-nonsense defending compared to the arguably ‘better looking’ graceful/technical players. This again in my opinion is ridiculous and an England team/squad should be picked on the form of the individual players at that moment in time, who will be full of confidence etc and not because of their name or the club they play for, which seem to happen religiously.!! If I was JC I’d quit, at least until a proper manager starts picking the team. Does anyone out there think that McLaren is worthy of the England mangers position. If not why on earth is he there!! Questions on a postcard to Brian Barwick, The FA, Soho Square, London.
PS anyone who thinks JC doesn’t have the capabilities for England needs to look at the facts and stop watching the game in the pub with one eye on the match and the another on the barmaid.

This Weekend

Had a great weekend, went to Lesa's Grans 80th birthday party which went quite well, met more of her huge family.!! Saturday I did some gardening (I know rock n roll), well I planted a new Washington Palm. Saturday night Dirty Baz and Arlette had a BBQ which went well, Hananh left early as her water were about to break, which was nice of her I thought (so she didn't mess the Wyatts carpet). So the Lovells had a lovely little baby son named Archie Frederick Lovell at 3.30 Sunday afternoon, he weighed in, weighed in at about 6.11Ib's I think and both mother and baby are doing very well. Sunday I had a round of golf with Lard and then went to the quiz on Sunday night and won. Well we kind of won. We did win the whole thing with 46 points but didn't get the bonus question right which was worth £150. Bugga. We only won our money back and a round of drinks which came to about £30. Oh also started writing my first novel which I may let you have a snippet of in the near-ish future, and contemplated painting a couple of canvass’s, what an artist I am. Might ever write a song tonight !!! !!

Glastonbury

Ahh Glasto,
Was at Glastonbury last week and although it rained, (which is always well documented) was fantastic. Line up was stupendous and the atmosphere/vibe was, as usual, phenomenal. The best band I think were probably the Killers, but there was a number of other terrific performance that warrant a mention ie: Kasabian, The Who, Weller, Arctic Monkeys, Fratellis, Dirty Pretty Things, Lilly Allen (with the Specials) plus many more, oh including the Kooks (had to put that in for my fiancé Lesa’s sake.

There was another band which caught my call ‘Biggles War Time Band’ which were on an obscure band stand and were hilarious.

Anyhow, I’m sick of people asking how the mud was? The mud? The fucking mud? Who cares about the mud, as long as you have boots on then, what mud. Plus the question was the weather really bad, and the rain? Bollocks. In my opinion there is no such thing as ‘bad’ weather, only the wrong clothing.!! Sod em, it was absolutely amazzzing. Glastonbury number 5 next year. I hope it doesn’t rain. 

Blogs Away

Hello,
This is my first blog and will be about nothing in particular. Hope I have enough to say to warrant a blog. Time will tell.

Shado