Hello, Hello, Hello,
I’m back from my wedding/honeymoon, the wedding went very smoothly and was absolutely top draw. Everything went to plan, the weather was fantastic and all in all, everyone had a great time (I think, well everyone I’ve spoke to anyway). Lewis had decorated his Beemer up with black and white ribbons for my arrival which was cool. Everyone arrived in good time, well, pretty much anyway. The ceremony was quite comical, especially when the registrar said to me, repeat after me. “Why I Neil Williams” to which I put my broadest Geordie accent on to say “WEY AYE Neil Williams”. What a comedy genius, I bet it’s never been done before.
The Spanish Cuban Salsa day time band ‘Mas Y Mas’ were superb and the fog fizz went down splendidly. The speeches by my groomsmen (Lard, Blah, Warner and Diet) were good, although when Warner said that he thought I was going to Wales on my honeymoon as I said ‘I was going to Banger for two weeks’ and Lisa’s dad picked up that knife I got a little, should I say nervous.
The food was great and the cocktail party went well, then it all got a little hazy. We cut the cake and our first dance was teenage wedding a la Pulp Fiction style, which was a laugh, the evening band then kicked in and they rocked. More drinks etc etc……what a phenomenal day…
The honeymoon too was great, 2 weeks in Sharm el Sheik, the resort was superb, the red sea spectacular but the surrounding area? Hmm not great. Narma Bay (the local town) was ok I suppose, but you got hassled to buggary from the locals wanting you to “come in to my shop” or “come and I’ll get you my business card” (what for? No idea). The tipping also was beyond believe, I didn’t want to look at some of them, in case they wanted a tip.
We also went to Cairo to see the Pyramids and sphinx. Cairo wasn’t what I expected it to be, it was a huge city, full of high rise, ugly, dirty, tower blocks. The pyramids were pretty much slap bang next to the tower blocks, not what I expected at all. They were really cool to see and wander round, as was the sphinx, but it wasn’t as magical or mysterious as I thought. Especially when you can see a McDonalds and KFC 50 yards or so away. The Cairo museum (where the artefacts removed from the pyramids are kept) was quite interesting, mummified crocodiles, hundreds of sculptures from a few centimetres high to 20 meters high. (God knows how they moved them around nowadays never mind thousands of years ago). However, some of the most important artefacts, for example Tutankhamun’s gold mask were replicas, why?, because the originals are in another museum. Must be in Luxor Museum, I thought, valley of the kings and all that. No, wrong, they are in London. Bloody London, I’d got a flight (and as some of you may know, I’ve got to get paralytic before I get on a flight, as I hate flying), on the oldest plane still active, to a shit hole of a city to be told the most important pieces I was looking at were replicas because the originals were an hour down the road from where I live. What a fucking cheek.
You also got pestered to death at the pyramids too for cash, or “tips” as they liked to call it, Arabs on camels would saunter over (can you saunter on a camel? Who knows) and say “do you want a ride on my camel”, which you could ride for free to be honest, however, he would charge you for getting off the smelly fucking thing, sometimes up to £100. or he’d say “let me take a photo of you” then charge you for the privilege. There was help at hand though, there were police on camels who would chase away the harassers for you if they got a bit too much, BUT and it’s a big BUT, the police would then come back to you for tips, for getting rid of the person who was harassing you for money.!! UNBELIEVEABLE.
Me and my good wife went into a tomb where there were hieroglyphics on the wall and a scruffy security guard reading the paper in the corner. As I started to take photographs the guard, got up and rubbed his fingers against his thumb whispering “tips, tips”. “For what?” I asked, “Reading the fucking paper”.
“No tips, no photo, get out”. The cheeky sod. I should have gone to the pol
ice, oh hang on, that would have probably cost me more!!
Luckily the cash point in our hotel didn’t have any money in it the morning of our trip so I had no “tips, tips” to give the greedy shits. It didn’t however, stop them patting me down to check after they’d point me in the direction of the Sphinx, they even checked under my hat for cash. I mean, honestly.
I did have £15 (Egyptian pounds) about £1.50 which I had to give to a persistent bloke on a camel who followed us round and demanded he took a picture of us stood next to his camel (which incidentally was called Michael Jackson). It was ‘Bad’ shit.
I’m back from my wedding/honeymoon, the wedding went very smoothly and was absolutely top draw. Everything went to plan, the weather was fantastic and all in all, everyone had a great time (I think, well everyone I’ve spoke to anyway). Lewis had decorated his Beemer up with black and white ribbons for my arrival which was cool. Everyone arrived in good time, well, pretty much anyway. The ceremony was quite comical, especially when the registrar said to me, repeat after me. “Why I Neil Williams” to which I put my broadest Geordie accent on to say “WEY AYE Neil Williams”. What a comedy genius, I bet it’s never been done before.
The Spanish Cuban Salsa day time band ‘Mas Y Mas’ were superb and the fog fizz went down splendidly. The speeches by my groomsmen (Lard, Blah, Warner and Diet) were good, although when Warner said that he thought I was going to Wales on my honeymoon as I said ‘I was going to Banger for two weeks’ and Lisa’s dad picked up that knife I got a little, should I say nervous.
The food was great and the cocktail party went well, then it all got a little hazy. We cut the cake and our first dance was teenage wedding a la Pulp Fiction style, which was a laugh, the evening band then kicked in and they rocked. More drinks etc etc……what a phenomenal day…
The honeymoon too was great, 2 weeks in Sharm el Sheik, the resort was superb, the red sea spectacular but the surrounding area? Hmm not great. Narma Bay (the local town) was ok I suppose, but you got hassled to buggary from the locals wanting you to “come in to my shop” or “come and I’ll get you my business card” (what for? No idea). The tipping also was beyond believe, I didn’t want to look at some of them, in case they wanted a tip.
We also went to Cairo to see the Pyramids and sphinx. Cairo wasn’t what I expected it to be, it was a huge city, full of high rise, ugly, dirty, tower blocks. The pyramids were pretty much slap bang next to the tower blocks, not what I expected at all. They were really cool to see and wander round, as was the sphinx, but it wasn’t as magical or mysterious as I thought. Especially when you can see a McDonalds and KFC 50 yards or so away. The Cairo museum (where the artefacts removed from the pyramids are kept) was quite interesting, mummified crocodiles, hundreds of sculptures from a few centimetres high to 20 meters high. (God knows how they moved them around nowadays never mind thousands of years ago). However, some of the most important artefacts, for example Tutankhamun’s gold mask were replicas, why?, because the originals are in another museum. Must be in Luxor Museum, I thought, valley of the kings and all that. No, wrong, they are in London. Bloody London, I’d got a flight (and as some of you may know, I’ve got to get paralytic before I get on a flight, as I hate flying), on the oldest plane still active, to a shit hole of a city to be told the most important pieces I was looking at were replicas because the originals were an hour down the road from where I live. What a fucking cheek.
You also got pestered to death at the pyramids too for cash, or “tips” as they liked to call it, Arabs on camels would saunter over (can you saunter on a camel? Who knows) and say “do you want a ride on my camel”, which you could ride for free to be honest, however, he would charge you for getting off the smelly fucking thing, sometimes up to £100. or he’d say “let me take a photo of you” then charge you for the privilege. There was help at hand though, there were police on camels who would chase away the harassers for you if they got a bit too much, BUT and it’s a big BUT, the police would then come back to you for tips, for getting rid of the person who was harassing you for money.!! UNBELIEVEABLE.
Me and my good wife went into a tomb where there were hieroglyphics on the wall and a scruffy security guard reading the paper in the corner. As I started to take photographs the guard, got up and rubbed his fingers against his thumb whispering “tips, tips”. “For what?” I asked, “Reading the fucking paper”.
“No tips, no photo, get out”. The cheeky sod. I should have gone to the pol
ice, oh hang on, that would have probably cost me more!!Luckily the cash point in our hotel didn’t have any money in it the morning of our trip so I had no “tips, tips” to give the greedy shits. It didn’t however, stop them patting me down to check after they’d point me in the direction of the Sphinx, they even checked under my hat for cash. I mean, honestly.
I did have £15 (Egyptian pounds) about £1.50 which I had to give to a persistent bloke on a camel who followed us round and demanded he took a picture of us stood next to his camel (which incidentally was called Michael Jackson). It was ‘Bad’ shit.
(Above: Me, Lisa and Michael Jackson)
Anyway, I know it may not sound brilliant but I’m pleased that I’ve seen this ‘wonder of the world’. They were quite awe inspiring even if they didn’t make me feel like Indiana Jones and it was a experience in it’s self. The Nile was very nice and we had tea (well wine) on a boat, which was very British and pleasant.
Swimming/Snorkelling in the red sea was unbelievable, the fish are just amazing, anything from glamorous angel fish to graceful manta rays and other fish in every different shape and every colour imaginable. Stunning.
We went jeep rallying across the very rocky dessert and camel trekking along the coast. By the time we’d finished we felt as if we’d been kicked to Sharm El Shiek, but it was a good laugh.
A great honeymoon, not our first choice (because they were out of season) nevertheless a phenomenally brilliant time.
Anyway, I know it may not sound brilliant but I’m pleased that I’ve seen this ‘wonder of the world’. They were quite awe inspiring even if they didn’t make me feel like Indiana Jones and it was a experience in it’s self. The Nile was very nice and we had tea (well wine) on a boat, which was very British and pleasant.
Swimming/Snorkelling in the red sea was unbelievable, the fish are just amazing, anything from glamorous angel fish to graceful manta rays and other fish in every different shape and every colour imaginable. Stunning.
We went jeep rallying across the very rocky dessert and camel trekking along the coast. By the time we’d finished we felt as if we’d been kicked to Sharm El Shiek, but it was a good laugh.
A great honeymoon, not our first choice (because they were out of season) nevertheless a phenomenally brilliant time.
1 comment:
That's a very good read ...ironically enough I've got tickets for the tutankhamun exhibition in london and am going to see all the best bits in November.
Nee fucker's getting a tip off me either!
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